I sent this to myself as an email on September 26, 2013 and I wrote "I needed to vent. (h.c.) I probably wont know who I'm taking about when I read this in a year or two... It's cool, they probably weren't really worth it." And I'm right, it wasn't worth it. So I post this now in hopes to re-encourage myself and others to know that dark season only last for a little while. Keep pressing though.
So we talkin’... we frands...
I don’t get it. I don’t expect you to give me the world..
Nor do I really expect you to make me yours.. or do I? I’m pretty sure I just
established the truth about our friendship, that anything more wouldn’t be
worth it. Our values... Our way of living... They wouldn’t mesh, wouldn’t
merge, wouldn’t make it. We’d explode eventually, but are you willing to help
me pick up our pieces? Am I willing to pick up yours?
This doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t care as much as I do.
The fact that you lied to someone else about our simple little friendship... it
just gets to me. What did I do to be in your lie? I really do believe if you
have to lie you’re wasting your time.
But who am I to tell you about how to live... how to conduct
yourself in front of other s or while in secret... I’m not your maker, I’m not
your keeper. I’m not your lover, that’s for certain. It’s all about love
though. The unfulfilled longing to be loved. To be wanted. To be certain that I
am his and he is mine.
We frands... we talkin’...
Love..... something that isn’t worth giving up on. I’ve
learned that recently... But who I’m fighting to love may need some
reconsidering. Because loving someone who doesn’t love you back would just be a
set up for burn out. It is really worth it for me to invest my time into you?
What are my motives? What are yours? Will this amount to nothing... just like
the rest have thus far?
God’s love is so different though. His love is so “there”,
so perfect, overwhelming, really. When
you least expect it and when you need it most, it’s there. His love has come to
me in the form of protection! In the reassurance of my worth! In the promise
and hope of going to something better and greater than I could ever imagine
when I finally leave this world! But in the meantime, while I am still here...
God I ask you to keep me close to your heart, for me to
sense your love even when I don’t feel it. Please give me wisdom in this
situation, guidance in my speech, let Your Holy Spirit fill me. Teach me Your
ways, cleanse my thoughts, help me to stay pure and holy. Thank You for Your
love. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Note to self:
Get the focus right.
Remember where you’ve come from, and how He’s brought you
here.
Work out your salvation.
Never give up on love. REAL love.
